30-year-old inspired by TikToks declares she's quitting her job to live a "soft life" of luxury: 'She is being incredibly self-centered'

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Feb 4, 2025 3:00 PM EST

Who among us doesn't want to be a stay-at-home spouse? I don't mean a stay-at-home parent or a person who works remotely: I mean literally a stay-at-home partner. 

It's nice to daydream about what we could do all day if we weren't working. You could wake up at the crack of noon and make yourself a healthy breakfast. You take a yoga class or go for a run, grab coffee with a friend, then hit the shops and treat yourself to some new clothes. Then you come home before dinner and whip up a nice meal for you and your spouse before spending the evening watching movies with them. Then it's off to sleep before repeating it all over again! 

It sounds utterly idyllic. With no job and few responsibilities, you'd have all the time in the world to pursue your hobbies and perfect your health. But it's simply not attainable for most people. Unless one spouse is very well-off and you have no kids or major expenses, this is just a fantasy. Many couples still require both incomes to keep up with the cost of living. 

Plus, even if you could be a stay-at-home spouse, would this take a heavy toll on your significant other? What if your expensive mani-pedis came at the cost of your partner putting in long hours at the law office, or working overtime as a manager? It just might not be worth it, and every couple has to decide this for themselves. Maybe you can achieve this kind of cushy lifestyle in retirement… but this dude is baffled that his wife has suddenly started desiring the "soft life." She wants to be pampered and cared for 24/7. No more working long hours or spending her life "in misery," as she describes. Check out the full story below, plus advice from helpful people on the internet who gave him good advice about what questions to ask his wife. 

Next, this boss texted an employee asking them to work 21 days in a row: "Needless to say, it hasn't gone over well." 

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  • 01
    'Wife feels burnt out. She wants to quit her job permanently to become lazy'
    via ManuelTheLensman For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    My (32M) wife (30F) have been married for 5 years, together for 9. We attended the same uni, she was in computer sciences and I was more into data. This is relevant later on. We are also a childfree couple, and we split the chores and finances evenly as we both earn roughly the same. (household income ~ 200K)
    via u/ThrowRA_Unreasonabl
  • 03
    My wife's job is stressful. She's an engineer and has to do a lot of coding. So many times, I've seen her just get lost by herself, trying to figure out what went wrong with her code that she couldn't solve. She also works long hours, spending 3 days in office too.
    via u/ThrowRA_Unreasonabl
  • 04
    She suddenly announced today that she's going to be quitting her job to move towards a 'softer, feminine lifestyle' - I couldn't get what she was trying to convey and asked her to clarify it to me.
    via u/ThrowRA_Unreasonabl
  • 05
    plan of She has this whole a setting up a freelancer account that although aligns with her field is much simpler - means her income will be slashed to a tenth of what she earns - as she plans not to take too many assignments. I sense some anti work vibes from this who soft life trend.
    via u/ThrowRA_Unreasonabl
  • 06
    She says she fees burnt out and no longer wishes to be a part of the hustle culture and want to enjoy the finer things in life. She said she never got even a moment to think and stop to relish these things and she no longer wants to spend her life in misery.
    via u/ThrowRA_Unreasonabl
  • 07
    She's been watching a lot of TikTok's. I never thought it was serious she'd mention doing things like: • . getting massages and nails done Doing a 10 step skin care routine day and night (undoubtedly expensive)
    via u/ThrowRA_Unreasonabl
  • 08
    explore different home scents explore colour theory to change her wardrobe . investing in wine tasting Baking and knitting And a host of low effort, yet luxurious tastes
    via u/ThrowRA_Unreasonabl
  • 09
    I've honestly never expected my wife to be so delusional. She does this whole explanation of how she wants to be the one taken care of and how las a provider should take on the 'masculine' role. She says she's okay with downgrading our lifestyle (which isn't even really a downgrade, will get to that in a second) and spending more time with the chores (she LOVES deep cleaning and chores in general) - finds it therapeutic.
    via u/ThrowRA_Unreasonabl
  • 10
    We currently live in an upscale apartment in the city. Her idea of 'downgrade' is to move to an EQUALLY PLUSH SUBURBAN HOME. She says since my job is WFH I should be okay
    via u/ThrowRA_Unreasonabl
  • 11
    The deal is, I am not. I am not okay with being the sole financial provider. I do not want to move places. I do not want our lifestyles to change.
    via u/ThrowRA_Unreasonabl
  • 12
    When I brought up therapy, she told me she already in secret attended some online sessions but didn't involve me because she wanted to make a judgement without being influenced by me. I see this as sort of betrayal - or I am overreacting that she didn't think of including me in this massive change.
    via u/ThrowRA_Unreasonabl
  • 13
    I sternly told her that I do not under any circumstance support this. She can easily find a job that isn't as stressful. I told her that she needs to figure herself out and that TikTok isn't reality. How do we work through this?
    via u/ThrowRA_Unreasonabl
  • 14
    TLDR: Wife feels burnt out. She wants to quit her job permanently to become lazy. How do we work this through?
    via u/ThrowRA_Unreasonabl
  • 15
    Cheezburger Image 10463271424
    via Daiga Ellaby For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 16

    Commenters told this spouse in no uncertain terms that his wife was being unreasonable

    Electronic_Fox_6... Big yikes. I understand the desire for an easier life, but I will never ever comprehend how some people feel that they are entitled to live an easier life at the expense of their nearest and dearest. I just don't get it at all. Imo, if we're in the same boat, we're all rowing together.
    via u/Electronic_Fox_6383
  • 17
    To answer your question, I really don't know how you work through this. I would, however, take steps (like maybe talk to a lawyer) about protecting yourself should she quit and then ask for spousal support. Not to go straight to worst-case- scenario, but better to be safe, than sorry. Good luck. to you. NTA
    via u/Electronic_Fox_6383
  • 18
    MaddyKet If she really likes cleaning so much, she could supplement her freelancing with a housecleaning business. But somehow I feel like she doesn't really want to work. Like I get it, most people don't, but you can't just expect your partner to carry the load unless it's by mutual agreement. NTA
    via u/MaddyKet
  • 19

    Writing off the wife's desires entirely isn't the way to go

    Mountain_Cat_cold Ouch. I can understand feeling burned out and wanting to reduce stress, even if it means less income. Mental health is important. But she sounds kind of delusional. Those things she wants to do instead of working are not cheap. She
    via u/Mountain_Cat_cold

    As this person suggested, there might be other issues at play that could be fixed instead of giving up working entirely. If she can find a job she likes more, this could give her purpose, while still funding the lifestyle she's craving. 

  • 20
    needs to be realistic - maybe go part time or find a less stressful job. I totally understand if you don't want to be part of this. NTA.
    via u/Mountain_Cat_cold
  • 21

    This would be a great point to bring up: can she manage this on her own?

    Front_Pepper_360 She can have her soft life on her own.
    via u/Front_Pepper_360

    Or would she be heavily reliant on her spouse? 

  • 22
    Morrolan_V NTA She has every right to want to make a change to her job and her lifestyle, but she is making decisions for both of you that have a deep impact on you and your life.
    via u/Morrolan_V
  • 23
    She is being incredibly self- centered and not coming at this from a partnership perspective. There are many changes that she could make, short of quitting her job entirely, that could provide her the opportunity to do some of the things she would like to do, while not completely upsetting the apple cart in your lives.
    via u/Morrolan_V
  • 24
    She seems to be wanting to halve your household income while increasing the amount you spend as a couple. One thing you could do to start a conversation from a different angle on this is to sit down with your budget and ask her to show you how she expects it to work. Figure out how much her new "soft, feminine"
    via u/Morrolan_V
  • 25
    lifestyle costs, budget an equal amount of discretionary spending for you, and then see how the numbers (don't) work. You should try to be supportive of her desire for a change, while also insisting that she approach this from a realistic perspective that respects the partnership you all have.
    via u/Morrolan_V
  • 26
    [deleted] NTA - As someone who knows the CS field well, there are a ton of jobs out there that are low stress and still decent pay, if you know your stuff. Just tell if she does that, then you will too and see what she thinks, since she won't be able to afford any of that luxury.
    via u/[deleted]

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